Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fräeulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music. A chorus of singing Benedictine nuns, a cathedral-length veil, seven plucky stepchildren in attendance, and Christopher Plummer waiting at the end of the aisle to marry me: This was how a wedding should be. In my upcoming real-life wedding this summer, only one of these four dreams will come true—but I’m not going to tell you which one.
My childhood idea of getting married was, like most childhood ideas, nice for a kid but subject to some retooling for an adult. Yes, a wedding must be very special and attempt to include as many singing nuns as possible, but it also involves a lot of work and stress. “Suffering is a choice,” my cool, easygoing friend advised me when I complained to him about my wedding planning. I decided then to stop venting to my cool, easygoing friends. If you’re going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice.
It took two months from the day my fiancé proposed to my first Google search for “wedding planning: how?” Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word fiancé. It’s so fancy, and it’s hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiancé: gloob.
Back to my procrastination. I love my gloob very much, but loving him and loving a huge production are two different things. Let me be clear: I adore big parties. I’m fond of the dance floor, I enjoy fun cocktails, I like DJ-mandated Macarenas. But I have never planned a big party. Or any party of any size, really. In my daily life I eat mostly out of containers, often with my hands. I have trouble thinking ahead or anticipating other people’s needs. This makes me a very poor candidate for planning a wedding.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why this whole thing is so stressful. “But Ellie,” I can hear you cool, easygoing readers say, “who says that you have to have a big wedding? Why not keep it intimate? Or just elope?” Cool and easygoing readers, I absolutely could do either of those things. As for the amount of work, however, I have come to the conclusion that the size and formality of a wedding do not dictate the stress levels. And elopement would cause me more anxiety than I could handle. Are you kidding me? The combination of absent friends being mad at me, a potentially fraudulent officiant, and no one there to admire my gown would be agonizing. Nope, not for me. So after all this ruminating, here’s the most valuable advice I can give anyone who’s planning a wedding.
DO recognize that there will be work involved.
Fräeulein Maria had Mother Superior to help her, and Captain von Trapp had the entire Imperial Navy at his beck and call. We mortals, however, have to use some elbow grease. A wedding can (and should) be magical, but this particular magic requires attentive planning and execution. Avoid my biggest tendency—procrastination—and start checking things off that list.
DON’T believe that this day is the be-all and end-all of your existence.
Other great things are going to happen in your life too. Remember the Salzburg Folk Festival? That happened after Maria and the Captain got married! Things keep getting better.
DO buy Wedding Planning for Dummies.
I swear to you, this book has been a lifesaver.
DON’T go on a diet for your wedding.
Depriving yourself of sugar or trans fats during this most stressful time is only going to make everything worse. Besides, you’re just going to gain it all back on your honeymoon.
DON’T get consumed by all the details.
Organize and manage them as best you can, but be sure to see the forest for the trees. I am fully anticipating that something—perhaps many things—will not go according to plan on our actual wedding day. If some of the flowers are wilted, or there aren’t enough vegetarian meals, or the priest calls me the wrong name, I will embrace these errors. Later, I will give the priest a stern talking-to. But really, who cares if the occasional peony is feeling tired?
DO take breaks along the way to spend some nice alone time with your gloob.
It’s a celebration of the two of you, after all. Oh, I’m sorry, did I mention that I have a gloob? Well, I do, and he’s a pretty amazing gloob. And I have high hopes for our wedding day: I’d like as many of our friends and family as possible to attend. I want a lovely ceremony followed by a delicious dinner. I want the lighting to be good and the flowers to be pretty, but honestly none of those things is as important to me as making sure everyone is having a good time. Isn’t that the point? A big moment in our lives, celebrated with the people we love. And no fewer than two dozen dance contests. That sounds like a perfect day to me.
Ellie Kemper is a star of NBC’s The Office.
glamour.com
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on June 26th, 2012.
